Trails: Then and Now

Here I am at one of the most picturesque places in the WORLD-Pebble Beach. Staying right on the coast. I’ve been here for a little over 24 hours and have already seen a wolf, a bunny, 3 staggeringly huge, gorgeous deer, song birds in countless varieties and this has just been while I’ve been out of bed.

I just returned from a walk and am struggling with how to approach this without indulging in maudlin self-pity. So I’ll try to keep it objective; factual. I went for a walk on this rugged coastline surrounded by sage, eucalyptus, sea spray. The very music that precluded and inspired music enlivened my senses but did nothing for my stamina. I nearly had to stop several times -from a FLAT walk! Pretty sure ego was the sole inspiration. People are watching!!

I once had about 10 percent body fat, my pulse rested at 50.

I was in supremely good condition as measured by anyone’s standards. Nothing felt more satisfying than a pile of sweat-heavy running clothes on the bathroom floor.

Here I was today walking on a trail and there came a little step up, sideways, to the adjacent trail-about a 6 inch horizontal lift similar to the height of a step used in step aerobic classes. Couldn’t do it. Was it true deconditioning as a result of my Stanford treatment protocol—-keep physical activity to a minimum in direct contradiction to what is espoused by EVERYONE else? If so, I am clearly compliant! Was it because I was so tired? This was a long walk (2.2 miles?). One of too much self-reflection. Too much time. Too many questions and dissipating solutions.

omg-it wasn’t a wolf, it was a coyote.

2 thoughts on “Trails: Then and Now”

  1. I hesitate to comment because I’m sure you hear similar stories a lot, but I hope this is encouraging . I am a trail runner so I really feel for you. I used to have similar symptoms to yours but I got better after changing my diet ( gluten free, grain free, soy free, and other things) and also learning to rest more. Sounds like you are doing something like that, too. I just want to give you hope that it can get better. My best friend was even sicker than me ( before I met her) with autoimmune disease (CF, Hashimotos), she literally could not get out of bed for months at one point and she is now an ultrarunner. She still has flareups if she doesn’t eat right or sleep enough or from extreme stress, but overall she is pretty healthy and runs regularly. I’ll keep you in my prayers.


    1. Omg thank you! I appreciate everything you’ve shared. I just started a grain free/paleo diet but am just beginning to learn about it (and make mistakes too). I would do ANYTHING for a semblance of my life restored to me. Please keep the prayers and suggestions coming. They are very welcome.

      Liked by 1 person

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