What Caused your Cystic Fibrosis?

What caused your son’s Down Syndrome, daughter’s autism? What did you do or not do?

This is how I feel about questions regarding depression. A LONG time ago, I learned the difference between exogenous depression and endogenous

depression. I also learned, mostly from living, that people do not experience one or the other. And it’s pointless to argue, the egg, the chicken, nature, nurture.

If I have a genetic predisposition to depression and am in the “right” environment, there is a probability that I may endure depression. Conversely, yet similarly, if I am suffering from depression, my body may become more susceptible to disease, all, of course, allowing for limitless variables.

The reason I decided to write about this today is because a reader posted that she was concerned as to whether she had ME OR depression.

When I first got ME, I had had a history of depression. I didn’t want to share this with most doctors because the quick assumption was that my depression was the CAUSE of my physical symptoms. Want to talk about feeling absolutely hopeless? I was so physically ill, life had been pulled out from under me, all of my joys and pastimes gone, unable to work, unable to parent, unable to be a wife, no running, no tennis and then to hear that it may be depression—that I’m kind of bringing on myself?

Well, it absolutely was depression! Nothing—in my life has EVER made me more sad.

I believe that there are genetic and environmental (and confluences of both)

predispositions with many diseases, way more than we are aware of currently.

Until we figure it ALL out, suffice it to say, for me, that I acquired ME (likely from Epstein Barr) and became very ill. I became so ill that I learned about levels of depression I never knew existed. Chronic illness is cunning, baffling and powerful and, often, really, really depressing.

My point is-this is not your fault. You would never accuse a parent

of inducing their child’s autism, so don’t blame yourself.

Treat what needs treating and listen to your truth.

And, of course, reach out, whenever. We have strength in numbers.



*Stanford Protocol Update:

Up to 6 mg Valcyte (rough on the insides but so what), LDN 4 mg, CoQ10 (400 mg), Turmeric with Meriva, large dose of taking it easy to avoid “crashes” as Bonilla refers to them. Feeling no real difference yet but I’m mostly out of bed.

2 thoughts on “What Caused your Cystic Fibrosis?”

  1. There is nothing more important about a map beyond the person who’s drawn it having been there. And, I appreciate the correlation between predisposed human conditions (depression, Autism, et.al.). I find interesting the relations between internal experience and the subsequent experience of how things look from the “outside”. Further, the assersion of there being not one, but many flavors of being, to include elements of internal and external environment/conditions, really hits home. Having experienced some of these “gifts” myself, I appreciate your courage in expressing a perspective. I’ve often heard that, if you don’t get it, simply, you’ve not heard it in a way which makes sense to you. Excelsior.


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